kirstyrebecca asked: I've just ordered What The Night Demands after watching a few of your poems on YouTube. It was a challenge to find somewhere in little old England to order it from, but the task is now complete and I'm way too excited for it to be delivered.
Ah! yay! Thank you so much! I’m so excited to know the book is making its way overseas. Hopefully someday soon I can follow it in that direction…
Hey World, have YOU ordered your copy of What the Night Demands? You can HERE.
prettier-than-whoopi asked: when did you first realize you were a guy stuck in the wrong body? and are you still with the girl your poem "apples" was talking about?
I first realized I was a trans man in 9th grade, and really, I prefer not to think of it as being “stuck” in the wrong body, because hey, that’s still my body, and I think it’s part of my work as someone transitioning to learn to love and care for my body. So in that sense, thinking of myself as stuck is pretty counterproductive. (And of course, that’s just my opinion and not an overall trans* experience!) But to answer your question, 9th grade, and I started coming out as trans later in high school.
As far as the woman from We Eat an Apple in My Bed, no, we are not still together, but that has little to do with the poem, and a lot more to do with being two people who just weren’t all that right for each other at all. (I am with a woman though, who happens to be pretty incredible.)
I think, though, that as I was thinking about this question, which is probably more than you bargained for as an answer, I really began to question the idea of relationships as a trans person, and how much responsibility I have as an educator/understanding person and how much I’m allowed to just say “fuck it! You don’t understand, you don’t deserve me!” I honestly couldn’t say where my line is, but I know that today my cut off place would be much different than it was 3 years ago when I wrote Apple. And that has a lot to do with being more comfortable with my body and my queer identity than I was then.
So I’m not entirely sure why you asked, but I hope that answers your question and hopefully the question behind the question.
We’ve been kissing for months. Three times a week our toothbrushes share a chipped porcelain mug in my bathroom. As my lips reach for the juice falling from her laugh, her mom calls. I listen as she talks about Biology, her new job, asks about her sister. Her eyes drop as she whispers, No, I still don’t have a boyfriend.
On cue, I stop chewing. She looks at me, waiting for my face to flush, for me to tear from the bed, but I won’t get mad at her. She shouldn’t have to explain why we can’t go swimming in public, why I don’t own a razor, why she doesn’t need to buy birth control. She hangs up the phone; I pick up the fruit, tell her Apparently, there’s a tiny amount of cyanide in apple seeds.
She shrugs, says she can handle a little danger, but I’ve studied how her dimples disappear when she lies, and I know she’s thinking about a man she could parade around her family, who could kiss her scratchy with stubble. The kind of man I’ll never be.
She squeezes my hand in the movie theater dark but tosses it to the side in front of her friends. Says she just needs time. She walks on the sidewalk. I walk in the street. She closes the door. I kiss it goodnight. She goes home for Thanksgiving. I promise not to call.
If I were a postcard, she could hide me in her pocket. If I were clay, she could mold my body into something easier to love. If I were the guy who sells her a cup of coffee every morning. I could smile at her anonymously, safe as a stranger.
She kisses down my neck, my peel hiding the rotten fruit inside me. As I tell her about the cyanide, her head resting on my chest, she talks about cider, autumn pies. See, she says, Apples are harmless. But she saves the last bites for me, scared to let her lips wander too close to the core.
(From my new book, What the Night Demands, available HERE)
Yes! Check out this incredible poster and flier that Molly made for me! And also please please come through on Friday! I want to see you all there!
A poster and handbill flier set that I designed for Miles Walser for the release party for his book What the Night Demands. If you are in the Brooklyn area on May 10th you should check him out! If not, look him up on YouTube!
I want to thank you.
I have been living as a full-time writer since September and it has been the most beautiful dream. Without you— you who bought books, you who came to shows, who flew me out to your college, who sent sweet tumblr messages, who reblogged, who told a friend about my work, who…
HEY YOU. Go to youtube and “Like” this video. You’ll not only be helping someone I love dearly, but you’ll be supporting a phenomenal artist trying to win her second book deal with Write Bloody Publishing. It is more than worth the 2 minutes of your time to watch this incredible poem.
NEW POEM ALERT
Hey friends! Here’s an artsy-fartsy video of my brand new poem “The Balance” (after Rachel McKibbens). If you “like” it on YouTube, you could help me secure a second book deal with Write Bloody Publishing. Please spread this around and go hard with that liking-finger and reblog button. I love you, and I root for you.